Me or You?

In The Ragamuffin Gospel it talks about becoming humble and letting others be before ourselves. Which makes me wonder why I am writing this blog, is it for me or is it for you. Am I doing this so you will think better of me, or to better myself? Have grace on me either way. I want my life to be one that is not easy but not hard either. Rather I guess I want to have to rely on God and realize my poor state that I am in. Friday night: I was helping with Boston Butts, Eli to me to go beef up the fire, so i did. I didn't realize he did not want it as beefed up as I thought, I got the cooker over 500 degrees and caught part of the grill on fire. I couldn't help but feel like a complete idiot, then I realized man I hope these guys have some grace for me. The most amazing thing was that they actually did, they got it under control and never said anything negative to me. Which was awesome because I knew I did wrong or not right anyways and them telling me how dumb it was would have done nothing. Instead, I got to see exactly what I was looking for the Holy Spirit in them. Typically anyone would have yelled, cussed and said a lot of mean things but not them, it was delightful.
As I move on I realize more and more the way things often are. Not the way I think they should be or wish the way they were. But, the way someone bigger than myself has this perfect plan for me in order to show himself to me. God's love for me is so GREAT and unconditional. It's like my love for NASCAR in a sense. I love NASCAR, no matter what, even if they throw a caution to keep one of the big time drivers from going a lap down(like they did tonight) but still I love it even so. I guess you could say its unconditional, i may get a little upset or aggravated. But that's how Gods love for me is, no matter what I do even if it changes whatever, He still loves me exactly the same as before. Another point after reading the book that struck me super hard was love does not fear.
Work, It's been really busy, 36.5 hours this week. I need to try to let what I am learning through the books I am reading affect me and the others around me at work, which also leads to I need to not only read these novels or whatever but also the Bible the stuff that comes straight out of well, the place these authors get their ideas.

that was a few weeks ago, i'll go ahead and post it now.

Beaches.

Last week my sister graduated college, congrats April. Then I went to the Beach with Lauren, it was fun. We laid out in the sun a lot, we also got some books to read, I read Blue Like Jazz by Don Miller, She got The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan manning. Blue Like Jazz was enjoyable, it really striked a lot with Discovery. It was all narrative and not backed up with very much scripture. One of the biggest things I got out of the book was loving others, no matter what they believe or how they feel about you. We should also be confident in ourselves as God, our father made us to be how we are... Another big idea the book brought out to me was Believing what I believe. Why do I believe what I believe and do I really believe it? What would I do for the things I believe. And how passion is different from belief, I have a passion for 3 but that doesn't mean its important. I believe my life should be more than just me, it should be about others. Then one cool part of the book was were he talked about living with other guys in community, I liked this because I'm in a great position to grow with my roommates as well. So, I guess what I am saying is that my heart really wants to love people. Today I started reading The Ragamuffin Gospel at work. I read the first chapter entitled somethign radically wrong, it talked about grace and how the American church has merely used it as theology but not any use for it. All of this is while I am at work, then a SUPPPPERRR annoying guy comes in and B.S.'s for 30 minutes then he askes about the book, I tell him its about Grace, how none of us are deserving of it and so forth. He then explains " I beg to differ if theres anyone in the world that deserves to go to heaven its my wife, shes not got a mean bone in her, never gossips, she might cuss every now and then or have a drink, but shes the nicest person i know...." I sit there amazed and want to talk back and explain further but i'm mute, I can't make my mouth move... Might I add this was all after he talked to a man with cancer that came in, and when he left he said " When he falls over, theres gonna be a line of guys trying to get with her." Which i don't suppose is too terribly bad but rather super annoying. But this is all where Grace comes in to play, yeah he is annoying, yeah he is full of crap, yeah he is a ragamuffin, and its so hard to seperate myself from him and not put him in a lower catergory or ranking as me. Just like yesterday I wanted to stop and talk to the homeless guys in downtown Knoxville but I didn't I suppose I was afraid they would ask for my money, and I didn't want to say no to them. But what is crazy about the Grace of God is that he loves us long before we love him. While we are sinning and turning our backs on God he is still loving us and wants us.

*I do not proofread, so if there are errors...Deal with it, have some grace on a brotha.*

Forgotten God

Recently I have been reading or read a book by Fancis Chan called "Forgotten God." The book is about the Holy Spirit and how we often pay no attention to it. It reminded a lot of my walk through Discovery the past two summers at Discipleship Focus, there was a lot of the same material in it. Which makes sense since it is out of the bible after all. The first chapter started off with "I've got Jesus why do I need the Holy Spirit..." That is often what how I act. I say oh I've got Jesus, there's no need for me to actually have a relationship with God... Chapter 2 is "what are you afraid of." Honestly I'm afraid of a whole lot of things more than just snakes and spiders. I'm afraid of my future, rejection, uncertainty and so much more. Chapter 3 is theology. Chapter 4 "why do you want him" often I would want it for my own benefit but really we should want the holy spirit in our lives and abide in him because thats what he was made for. That is his purpose so that we may benefit the common good. Chapter 5 " A real relationship." This is knowing God, and being known by him! Galatians 4:9 "But now you have come to know God, or rather be known by God, how can you turn your back again to the weak and worthless elementary principles of the world, whose slaves you want to be once more?" Galatians 4:6-7 "because you are his sons, God sent the Spirit of the Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out. Abba, Father. So you are no longer slaves, but Gods children and since you are his children, he has also made you heirs." No longer slaves, i like that. The chapter also talks about being to comfortable, and being too easily distracted. Chapter 6 is telling us that we wont really know the will he has for our lives until that times comes most likely. Chapter 7 talks about the church and how it should be.

All of this made me think how often I am not that much different now, then I was before Christ. That is what the real shame is, we should be like caterpillars, one day were worming around, then a were in a cocoon for a while, then shoot we got beautiful wings and are flying. Completly different than before. At one point in the book it talked about how we squeeze God into our lives, not how we live for him as we should. We just squeeze him in and give him a little of our time. That is what hits me hard, I in all reality want to and should be living for him. But, so often I am merely making time for him in my life. Just think how much easier life would be if we soley relied on him. We really wouldn't have any worries, because, if we trust in him we know that what he is doing is good and would not have to lean upon ourselves. If only it were that easy. The book really helped me realize that our worldly issues really do not matter one bit. And in that we should completely live for him. The prodigal son is often how i feel, I go out and squander in sin, then i feel awful about it so much that i do not feel worthy to even pray or read my bible. I feel like i have to get my act together before i can go to God. But, this is not true (romans 8:1) And we know that "nothing can seperate us from the Love of God in Christ Jesus."(8:39)

So I hope that made sense, I'm not proofreading it, because thats not what I do.... But, I dont really read either. I was just at work, and was going to be super bored so I borrowed this book from Brad Wright. It is a great book i recommend it highly.

Sir Nathan Dale.